Riyadh, The Saudi Gazette - SAUDIS are finding friendship, love, romance and spouses through the Internet a world where segregation does not exist.

It was difficult for me to find someone suitable the traditional way, said Mubarak, a Saudi who met his wife online. My mother doesn t have a lot of exposure to people and I wanted to break out of the social group that was known to me.

Traditionally, Saudi couples are matched by female relatives. The groom describes the characteristics he wants in a wife to female relatives. Weddings  and social gatherings are then turned into hunting grounds in search of the perfect bride.

Times are however changing.

I wasn t too scared about marrying my online contact, said Lamya, who met her husband online. I felt I knew him better than I would a man who proposed to me the traditional way. But I made sure my family checked his background, history and reputation before we got married.  

Falling in love with personality, characteristics and way of thinking is one of the  reasons why many Saudis opt for meeting a spouse this way.

When you feel insecure about your looks you remember that he chose you for your personality first, said Maha, who also met her husband online. 

For some, looks do count.

Once I felt an online attraction to my wife, physical attraction was an issue and I was a little scared that I wouldn t be physically attracted to her, said Mubarak.

Heartache and disappointment is part and parcel of virtual communication.

Chat rooms are like boxes of chocolates, said Lina, who had a serious online relationship that did not work out. You never know what you ll get. Chat rooms are full of jerks. We should be careful in who we trust.

Since Lina doesn t  attend many social gatherings for a potential groom s mother to snatch her up, she consulted the Arabic website Qiran.com to find the man of her dreams.

All the responses I got were of old men looking for fun, said Lina. No one was serious. What other opportunities do we have here in Saudi?

Those who do strike it lucky, usually nurture the relationship step by step.

From mere online chatting, relationships develop to talking on the phone for hours. This usually lasts for a couple of months. 

The following step is meeting secretly in coffee shops and exchanging gifts. Some arrange to just see each other from a distance in  malls.

There are couples that choose to limit their relationship to the Net until marriage. Exchanging photos keeps the fire burning.

Nada met her husband online. Their relationship developed from being just friends to being lovers  in a period of two months. He asked her hand in marriage online.

I was skeptical at first, Nada said. I knew I loved him, but I wasn t sure if he was serious or not.

They  talked to each other on the phone for a couple of months but never saw each other in person until the engagement party.

He officially proposed to her family six months after their first online meeting. They have been married for three years and have no regrets.

A very small percentage of online relationships end in marriage. Most relationships are doomed due to social or religious pressure.

Influential families refuse to accept this trend in fear of damaging their reputation and allowing new blood into the tribe.

Many online participants say that marriages between Shiites and Sunni s are not allowed. Some families simply won t discard age-old traditions. The notion that girls who chat are loose and will never be respected by their husbands is a common obstacle for online relationships.

Another perception is that the husband will not trust his wife after they meet online, because she can meet another man online after marriage.

Dr. Andrea Baker, an associate professor at Ohio University, studies online relationships.

These partners get to know each other from the inside out rather than from the outside in, said Baker.

In other words, the knowing of the inner person occurs before the revelation of the outer shell, she said.

Baker s research reveals that few couples that met online admitted that they would reveal all about themselves.

Some couples feel it is easier to overcome shyness in a chat room.

There are no inhibitions and I can be myself, said Maha. Online writing is easier than meeting in person because you start with a clean slate with no preconceived ideas about the other person.

Although Internet services have been available in the Kingdom since 1994, society still has difficulty inviting it into their private domain.

Chatting is not forbidden in Islam and is a means of communication between people, said Dr. Jouhara Al-Magati, dean of the Girls Educational College in Jeddah. She holds a doctorate in Islamic Studies.

It depends on how it is being used, said Magati. If people use chatting in a non-Islamic way, then it is forbidden.

Saudi society does not accept marriages  resulting from meeting online, because the culture has not yet advanced in the use of the Internet, said Magati.